The Possibilities Of A Relationship That Almost Was
It felt like an instant connection when you first saw her. Your eyes met almost too soon and sooner still were your heartbeats in sync with each other’s. There was one date and another and another. Soon, you were seeing each other every other day and talking every other hour. Things were going great. What could go wrong?
Just one thing.
It wasn’t a relationship.
Yes, you were dating. And yes, you flirted and held hands openly. You were practically a couple in almost every regard; almost. But you weren’t exclusive about it. Reason? It was either that the topic never came up or that one of you kept stalling, assuming and taking each other for granted.
Then, one fine day, before you know what hit you, it’s over—all of it. And you can see the whole thing being undone right in front of your eyes; right from the last conversation to the first glimpse.
And you find yourself wondering how you were so close, almost too close, to it and then, it all came down. You were almost there.
That’s what you were. That’s all that you were. Almost.
You almost fell in love with her. You almost told her so. You almost gave your heart to her. You almost let her in. You almost imagined a life with her with all the date ideas you hadn’t yet explored and all the cheesy movies you were yet to check off the list. You almost told her about your first love; you almost asked her about hers. You almost held her hand too tight, promising never to let go. You almost walked the line for her; you almost went too far. And on the nights when it was just her and you on a king-sized bed, she almost gave you every inch of herself before she pulled away. There was too much intensity and too much emotion. There was too much of touching that developed into feeling and there was too much lookingat each other and she almost looked inside your soul.
© Jordan Tiberio
How did it feel? It was a lot like love. It was an almost love that you came so close to finding. It was an almost relationship that came so close to real. And yet, it wasn’t. But, you came so close.
You were almost in a relationship. But you weren’t in a relationship at all.
So why does it still hurt? Why does it still feel like you lost a part of your soul if you never really fell? Why does it feel like you lost so much when you were only an almost?
The reason is so plain and clear that it makes you feel silly. In your head you built her up. You built her up to be more than she really was. Sure, it was nothing. True you were at the brink; and you didn’t really go beyond. But, in your mind, you went the distance. By the time you were jolted out of it, she was already gone. You were alone on the brink. You were almostthere. And so was she. And then, she walked away.
What you saw were the endless possibilities of you, together, falling into this blissful abyss; freefalling. And yet, she never truly fell is what she tells you. Yes, she almost did. And then she backed up, without giving you the cue. And so, you almost fell too hard. But, then she never was going to be there to catch you.
You almost got hurt way too badly. But then, you just got bruised instead of cut. Close shave, you tell yourself. Good riddance to nothing, you think.
And one fine day, you’re sitting by yourself and wondering how many times you almost fell,how many times you almost didn’t. You think about the many times when you almost slipped up, and the times when you almost didn’t.
All the difference lies in one single word and how it can change the meaning of everything—even life and death. Almost is all it takes to keep you from, or make you, fall in love. Almost is all it takes to say, or not say what you want. Almost is all it takes to define possibilities and probabilities in feelings. Almost is all it takes to define or blur. Almost is all it takes to go from definitely to maybe.
Almost—that’s all it takes.
You may be interested
Trump Planted A Tree With The President Of France And It Got Weird Fastadmin - Apr 25, 2018
In the opinion of some, Donald Trump can be an extremely awkward human being. This is especially on display when…
The 10 Most Interesting But Bizarre Traditional Practicesadmin - Apr 25, 2018
Every country, tribe or language has its own traditions and customs. Some of the traditional practices are quite interesting whereas…
5 Signs You’re In A Dangerous Trauma Bond With A Toxic Personadmin - Apr 25, 2018
God & Man A trauma bond is a bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic…